How you became YOU

Between the ages of 0 (in utero) and 7, a child’s developing brain is primarily in a Theta brainwave cycle which means they are highly suggestible and therefore their minds get moulded or programmed by their perceptions and experiences. The Theta brainwave state is the same state that is required for hypnosis, so this shows the immense influence that parents, primary care givers and teachers have in shaping the child’s mind.

We like to think of ourselves as original, unique and in control of ourselves and our lives, but the reality of the situation called ‘our life’ is actually very different. As mentioned above, our programming starts very early whilst we are still in the womb and we inherit our parents’ behaviours and their belief systems about who we are, what we can achieve and how the world around us works. We also inherit our mother’s nervous systems so our young bodies are primed for life in the outside world. So if we develop in the womb of a stressed out mother, our nervous system will be primed for stress before it even enters the world.

Our early life is spent learning to adapt to situations in order to keep us safe, get our needs fulfilled and the necessary praise we seek from our parents without being rejected. We learn we must perform or look a certain way, never really finding out who we are or what we want our life to be like, or if we do know, we are taught to suppress it in order to get the positive attention we desire. We often learn our own needs are not important and by suppressing these parts of ourselves, we give away our power to other people by giving them influence and control over our lives. So much of what we call our personality is just a developmental coping mechanism and our indelible traits are possibly no more than habitual defensive strategies, unconsciously adopted due emotional deprivation during our childhood. Nearly all parents can meet the child’s physical needs, but most are not emotionally mature enough to meet the child’s emotional needs.

As we grow up we are always told to look outside of ourselves to get our needs fulfilled. We have external attachments to partners, people and things in order to have a sense of security, significance and to feel loved and important. We have a mind full of other people’s voices telling us who we are and what’s right and wrong, what’s true and what’s false which we believe to be real, true and our own voice made up of our own life experiences.

We reject our own needs and find ourselves living a sterilised life prescribed by a dysfunctional society or unconsciously chosen by our parents or we find ourselves drifting through life not knowing which way to turn. We also now find the majority of the population in the developed world living with a sense of ‘not being enough, not having enough or not doing enough’ which we are constantly seeking to fill or avoid via relationships, careers, money, qualifications, material possessions, spirituality, drugs, alcohol, status, competitive sports, TV, cosmetic procedures – the list is endless. Hopefully you can start to see now how this feeling of ‘not enough’ is an illusion, just made up from incorrect beliefs and interpretations about ourselves, which we have never challenged and just assumed to be real.

If you’re interested and want to know more, book a free 20-minute phone or video call with me. Due to the nature of the work, it’s important we are both comfortable working with each other, so this short initial session is also a good way to find out.